Those of you who have never been divorced just said to yourselves, “Ew, why would anyone want to do that?!”
I know, it sounds atrocious. But there are justifications we women make in our heads.
Things like, I’m lonely. (Ending a marriage is a very, very lonely thing.)
Or, I miss him.
Or, I still love him.
Or, I have needs.
Or, maybe it’ll make him want to get back together with me.
I heard from a reader a while back who told me that she and her ex-husband had sex right after they went to court to get their divorce. She said that she thought it would bring closure. It, unsurprisingly, did the opposite. It hurt her deeply. Why? Because sex was created to bind two people together, not help them say goodbye.
So, can you have sex with your ex-husband?
In a word, no.
One, because once you are divorced, you two are no longer married, which means you would be fornicating.
But two, if you want to hi-jack and dismantle all the grieving and healing work you’ve done up to this point, by all means, go sleep with your ex. But if you want to continue to move forward into healing with your head held high, refrain. Do not let a few moments of passion undo all the hard work you’ve done. It is not worth it. It will send you reeling and send you back months and months healing-wise.
But I want to tackle an off-shoot of this question.
Can I have sex with my estranged husband? (Meaning, can you and your husband be having sex while separated?)
In my opinion, no.
But why not? We’re still married, you might be screaming at me right now.
For the above reason that you will undo your healing, […]