When you are in a relationship with someone who is abusive or has an addiction, you learn the hard way not to rely on that person. To be on time. To follow through. To offer up kind words at the end of a frustrating day. To pray for you. To support you. To tell you the truth. Basically, for anything.
In fact, Jan Silvious, author of Foolproofing Your Life, says that when you are in partnership with what she calls a biblical fool, it’s not a relationship that you’re in, it’s an agreement. What she’s saying in essence is that you cannot be in a relationship with someone you cannot trust who treats you poorly on a consistent basis.
So, for twenty years, over and over again, I learned I could not rely on my partner. That was a bitter pill to swallow and a truth that I tried regularly to ignore and deny and refute. In fact, I’d act as if I could trust and rely, and continually be hurt and disappointed. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Years of not accepting my reality, it was now on my head. I didn’t want my reality to be my reality. But it was.
Until one day I realized that I should not rely on my partner for anything emotional or spiritual. That it would actually now be foolish for me to think I could. And so I stopped. High walls around heart erected, check.
And then we divorced. And I was single. And I no longer had a partner at all.
And I came to terms with the fact that I may never again have a partner. And I learned to become emotionally and spiritually self-sufficient. […]