I feel like I have been hearing more stories lately than I can count of a husband hurting a wife. (I know, I know, it goes both ways; but the majority of my experience is working with women, so…) I have heard too many tales of lies and hidden things and inappropriateness and infidelity. It makes my stomach turn.
And I’ve heard women recount how their husbands would try to make them feel badly about not trusting them, or would try to turn things around on them, or would try to rush them through the grieving and healing process and expect them to trust them again sooner than they were ready to, or sooner than was even healthy because they were trying to get around the actual hard emotional steps of rebuilding trust (which are, basically, doing anything and everything your wife needs you to do to make it up to her, for basically as long as she needs you to…seriously, I’m not kidding).
Having an untrustworthy spouse and being an untrusting person can feel the same to you and can look the same to your partner, but there is a difference, a huge difference.
Let me be super clear, in case you’re being snowed: if your husband has lied to you, if your husband has hidden things from you, if your husband has been inappropriate with another woman, if your husband has been unfaithful to you, if he has kept any or all of the above from you, he has unfortunately shown himself to be untrustworthy, and you therefore, I’m very sad to say, have reason not to trust him, bottomline.
(Sidenote: I do not believe, per Rachel Greene from Friends, that, “Once a cheater, always a […]