I’ve been feeling better lately. I’m laughing more. I’m not stewing as much. My sadness is lifting and my anxiety isn’t my constant companion. I’ve knocked my medication down to its lowest dose. It finally feels like Spring – in Illinois and in my heart – and I’m so very grateful.
However… I still have my moments of irritability and anxiety, to be sure. In fact, my husband and I even have put language to it. When I’m feeling stressed, I’ll tell Richard what number I am from one to ten. When I say, I’m at a 10, he knows it’s not good (and that he might want to duck and cover). Those 10s are fewer and farther between these days but I’ve been experiencing a new flavor this year that I’ve finally been able to label.
It’s what I’m calling blended fam-xiety. I get this feeling before a family gathering, when I’m trying to plan a weekend when we’ll have any combination of our kiddos home with us, when I’m mentally lining up all of our kids and their significant others in our living room each morning and praying for them out loud by name, when I’m thinking through the ways I’ve hurt my husband and our kids lately, all that good stuff.
I recently heard that life is not a problem to solve.
Seriously? Because I’ve spent the entirety of my life trying to fix my life. And I’ve especially spent the last year doing that with all our ups and downs and chaos and pain and transition and change and adjustments.
Okay, so it’s like this. Imagine me sitting down at my coffee table, and I have just dumped out a 1000-piece puzzle. And I am […]